whenever my husband is out with his guy friends, they all complain about how much sex they are not having with their wives. the worse part is the wives probably have to idea how miserable they are making their spouses. you know, a spouse. someone whom these women take an entire calendar year and have paid an arm and a leg inorder to pledge allegiance to.
and so over the years people have also come to him and i to talk about IT. yes, It... good ol' It. and sometimes It's an eye opener. first of all, i don't think this just pertains to the conservative population, but a plague amongst most houses. Woman are Not having sex with their husbands. the men are, in a word, begging. and the woman are, in a word, fridgid. so i say to these men, "welllllllllll, why dont you talk to her about it." and the answer is,"No way! it will only make her angry resulting in even less sex."
so Ladies, let me give you this analogy, men are like dogs. Guys, hold on! don't leave yet, hear me out! ahem!... men are like dogs. they always come around to be petted. and sure, a few times you tell them, "Oh, not now, go lay down." and they will obey. but if you ignore a dog for too long, they will find someone else to pet them. they may choose a real woman of flesh and blood. or they can go the easy route and choose a digital woman of silicone and spray-on tan. Men Need sex. not want, Need. i've always joked that my husband could be in a full body cast and would still be asking for sex.
but how can a man make a woman understand his overwhelming longing? you put her in your shoes, well, not literally, unless of course your into that sort of thing. Make her realize that you are doing every thing you can to fulfill her needs. women Need to talk. at some point in the day i Have to talk to him! what's so urgent and important that i Must talk to him about? Nothing. honestly, i do what all women do, i talk about a lot boring shit that he doesnt care about. These "conversations", or in this case, ear rapings, could consist of subject matter ranging from "How one day i'd like to be a vegetarian", to "What my mom and i talked about on the phone" and not limited to "I hate my job and no one there appreciates me.". but he listens intently, asking questions and adding thoughts. a smirk here, a head nod and raised eyebrow there. sprinkle in some furrowed brow to show maxium absorption . and when i'm done giving him that days run down, i feel that in some way him and i are closer. a load has been lifted. an itch has been scratched. we are on the same page and living harmoniously together as One.
if one day he came home from work and said, "sorry babe, i cant listen to you today, i have a headache.". i would be understandable and say "oh, it's okay, hun.". but if he did that every day for a week, i would be pissed off beyond belief. so many questions would rage in my head in a perfect storm. 'Why is he ignoring me?' "What? He doesnt even have time to talk to his own wife anymore!?" "Another Excuse? Why is he doing this to me?". and then i would be transformed into, what i like to call, the crazy bitch. ah, yes, the crazy bitch. some say she can only be seen when the moon is full and her hormonal levels are askew. neither i or the unhinged ogress would put up with him lying every day inorder to avoid me/us. so why is it, Ladies, that it's perfectly okay to completely ignore our mens ravenous hunger? i mean, throw the guy a bone, literally. example, i am a completely stressed out person with a house to clean, meals to cook, breastfeeding a crawling infant in cloth diapers and raising an autistic 4 year old. and yet last week we had sex 7 times in a 7 day period. though, that number was a bit above average. i'd say 4 times a week is more our speed. i'm not trying to brag, my point is, if I can make time, anyone can.
so men, listen to your wives talk forever about what seems to be nonsense. why do you think men have been writing women sonnets and love songs for hundreds of years? because it gets them laid! or in some cases a restraining order. but it's worth the risk! women need to feel a verbal connection to their mate. someone who appeals to their emotional side. so work up the cajones to talk to your wives about getting more tail. in the end, you'll both benefit. so please, burn some calories and release some Oxytocin. go forth, and in the words of dr. sheldon cooper, perform coitus.
