so that other 96% of the christian conservative population... let's just say the bug inside of the bug in their ass has to die. within this group i also find people are trying to outdo each other. a "keeping up with the jones'", if you will, only they are trying to be the most orthodox. it is a conservative competition, a traditionalist tri-athalon, a pious pie eating contest.... i digress. This is rampant. I mean, these people are cut throat for gold Jesus stars. The legalistic lifestyle they lead quickly can get out of control. For instance, i know a young woman who not only has never had a drop of alcohol in her whole enire life, but also does not wish for others around her to imbibe it. I knew another who didn't wish for others to say the Lord's name in vain in her presence, because she thought it was not only offensive to God, but also to her. Other's have not only stricken cursing from their vocabulary, but have now even censored their replacement words. For instance, 'Gosh' and 'Shoot' are perfectly acceptable, however, (for some reason) "Fricking" and "Freaking are just too "darn" close to the real "F" word. So, if you're a conservative christian and you really need to express some pure and bona fide frustration, do not fret, a kosher alternative has been found! "Flipping" is a substitute that was, (why, i'm not quite sure), deemed acceptable by your peers. Aside from the stickers, Christ ribbons in several categories could be awarded. Here's just a few: Best Snide Comment, Best Eye Roll, and my personal favorite, Miss Uncongeniality.
It's only a little bit into the race where some people realize one of two things. One, they aren't the athlete or pageant contestant they had thought them self to be. And two, they couldn't reach the level others expected them to perform at. and that's where, my friends, the mask wearing begins.
humor me, and imagine being in a room where everyone is wearing a mask and you are the only one going bare faced, (and if they are wearing clown masks, god help you.) a few years ago, i was involved with a bible study and church just like that. The study i signed up for was a doozy. i immediatly upon entry regretted ever going to. A group of people so utterly ridgid and judgemental that i was afraid of the dirty looks i would receive if i had to ask to use the restroom. (mind you, i was pregnant at the time.) i stayed and tried to ride it out. i thought that maybe it would get better. yeah...it didnt. one particular evening during prayer requests, one man with his head hanging started to lower his mask. He asked for people to pray for the struggles facing him. By the look on his face, i thought he was going to admit to doing something terrible. As he started to form his words, my mind began to race to the three big A's: Affair, Abuse and Addiction. He finally muttered his confession; he was depressed. Which very quickly he followed up by saying that he thought it was a side effect from the Lymes disease that he had recently contracted. The faces around me where even more surprising than the guys answer. They were embarassed for him and practically disgusted. Then it fully i dawned on me, these peope are in serious trouble.
So when someone does have, (sorry depression via Lymes disease people), a serious problem, what are they to do? How can they ever have true fellowship and oneness with the people around them? These people are completely alienated and slowly beat down by the ever over bearing atmosphere. They are repressing everything and admitting to nothing and that has serious damaging repercussions.
For me, what you see, is what you get. I own one or two pair of jeans, a handful of comfortable shoes. i've never died my hair and hardly wear make-up. Hell, for years i didn't buy bras with any padding because i considered it to be false advertising. i even write conversationally, i make up words and i don't care much for grammar (case in point). I think this 'i am me' extremism was a red flag to some and a life jacket to others.
it was then that i became the Listen Lady. People came to me with their problems they couldn't trust anyone else with. They knew I would not judge, scold or belittle. But the categories of tidbits I was sworn to never reveal to others in the flock, fall between the heavy and the comical.
Some of the lesser serious ones was when a woman confessed to me that she was, of all things, a Democrat. Yeah, that one can still bring a confused smile to my face. She seriously feared that if anyone found out it would spread like wild fire, then she would end up where i was, outside the cirlce. A few admitted to being intimate before marriage. One woman went as far as keeping that her and her husband had lived together before their wedding a complete secret. Some were social drinkers and there was even a couple of pot smokers. The most common closeted information was the utter unhappiness they felt about the overall stick up one's ass-ness that was seemingly everywhere. And yet they refused to anything about it. After all, the nail that sticks up will be hammered down.
Come on people, and rise up! Fight your represser! But they don't. Most sink back into their hard wooden pews and adjust their masks. Others set out on a long journey to find an oasis, their Shangri La: a compassionate and accepting church. We have heard legend that some exist, and we are going to find it. Come out! Come out! ...Where ever you are.
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